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Rites of Spring

So now is the time of year when a young man’s fancy turns to – well, to where it’s been all along. Only now he can do it outside. With friends.

‘Tis the season to sing carols to the unique pleasures provided by physical love abutting the boundless womb of mother nature. In fact, acts of outdoor love present themselves in as many varieties as the Spring tulips, with my personal favorites including (in descending order of risk) the urban/suburban fresh-air quickie, the park visit with benefits, and the consummation camp. This list is not intended to be exhaustive, and I would appreciate reading about your own favorites. I only have time at the moment to explore the first tasty morsel here and now.



The fresh-air quickie can certainly be performed deep in the woods, far from the maddening crowds, but if you have that kind of time without fear of exposure, why rush? No, the quickie is best suited for encapsulating the act into a manageable frame to avoid the inevitable scrutiny (and possible termination or arrest) that would occur if co-workers, building guards or homeland security happened into your space during the act. Granted, the intensity and urgency engendered by an ever-present risk of capture (or an impromptu education to a wandering gaggle of third-graders on a field trip) is one of the great thrills of the urban quickie. But you still don’t want to tempt fate too much by orchestrating an intricate iron-cross bondage scene at the corner of First and Main. The unique joy of the urban quickie is to express and consummate your passion in a fluid and impromptu manner, with the bustle surrounding you, to zip up at your own pace, and to walk away – together or separately – unaccosted, satisfied and flying on adrenaline.



An outdoor setting changes perspectives in sex just it does for food. The campfire roasted fish and the patio grilled burger taste better when prepared and eaten in the open air. Similarly, outdoor sex peels away societal veneers, making formalities less important, pulling forward the most primal aspects of coupling – cock meets its moistened opening, filling and creating friction without the need for special uniforms or positioning. Two animals, bred for the function, exchange thrust and parry, breathing the eternal ether beneath the sun or stars, accepting each other exactly as presented.



Best spots for an urban quickie are as diverse and perverse as your imagination. Stairwells in great public buildings provide a classic combination of defendable space with limited visual range, but my task today is to praise the confluence of genitalia in the open air, so we limit our discussion to open stairwells in parking garages and plazas. The trick is to find a spot outdoors that provides a fleeting security and privacy where romance can bloom. I would also offer style points for choosing a site with appropriate romantic atmosphere. Shoving yourself balls deep into your inamorata against the dumpster at Chili’s may hold a certain frothy and filthy appeal, but it reeks of poor planning (and probably stale urine and two-week old chimichangas) – like offering a birthday present in the plastic sack displaying logo of the gas station where you picked it up on the way over. While the urban quickie may be a spur-of-the moment decision, it helps if you have thought out your best spots, capture strategies and escape routes before the coupling begins. So isolated corners on the edges of public plazas work particularly well, but the most satisfying can be hiding in plain site. A cluster of trees and bushes may shield you from all but the most persistent of voyeurs. Stopping between a building and its landscaping may provide the optimal conditions of fresh air and visual cover. And always keep in mind that a public area that is packed during the day, may contain the perfect sexual romper room when the lights are off inside and the staff has driven home. I find museums of all sorts – art, natural history, sports and entertainment – host the most adventurous lovebirds, and provide interestingly-shaped sculptural love nests.



What happens if someone walks upon the event in progress? That depends on the degree of delicto, and how inflamed was your inflagrante when viewed by the interloper. If you are caught with treasures exposed and nasties grinding, then not much more than a sheepish grin, a quick withdrawal and an apology will suffice. However, if there is still a modicum of uncertainty in the mind of the invasive viewer, you may want to implement a previously prepared script of a breakup or a lover’s quarrel – this plan can sow confusion for the unwanted party, can explain why two people would be hidden away in this otherwise public space, and would be sufficiently uncomfortable so that the viewer may want to avoid learning more and/or involving more deeply. This strategy also gives the lovers permission to make the intervener feel guilty for intruding in their argument.

Public fresh-air urban sex can be satisfying in all forms – oral for either, bent-over-skirt-lifted-tree-anchored vaginal or anal penetration, or, if your body types allow it, the standing-front-facing-ass-gripped-leg-wrapped riding mount. I recommend them all, and may you enjoy a lusty Spring and Summer exploring the joys of nature with your favorite friend (or friends).





Thanks to Johnny 101 for use of the barn picture